dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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