I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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