she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
