is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So many bounce houses so little time
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
whose parrot is this?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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