and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Screwed.edu
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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