At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize