but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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