so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the liver wants what the liver wants
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
