I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
