Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
