Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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