1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we made out on top of his cat.
worst night to have a conscience
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
