How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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