Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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