It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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