Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize