i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
