She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize