yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
