dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Porn is love you can see.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
