She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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