Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
