do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize