yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
