I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
