R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
