I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
