You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
