I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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