We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
