Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
