Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
