Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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