Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
