why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pooping to opera.
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