textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
