Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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