No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish you could order shots online.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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