if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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