Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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