new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
