It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
