piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
