oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she looked like the before picture.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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