I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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