You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
