3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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