i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
