Where is the hickey?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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