if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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