Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize