ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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