over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize