I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You are a genius and a whore.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
