I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
