You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
