She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
