New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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