The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize