how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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