highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
