dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
