I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
