why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
